(2004)
Reviewed by David Zuzelo EI CINEMA DVD Starring Misty Mundae, Julian Wells, Darian Cane and Kelli Summers. Directed by Johnny Crash
All right, let’s start this review where it really begins and ends. Misty Mundae is sexy as hell in her perennial day in and day out jailbait way. But good looks aren’t enough, and she has risen above her competition because not only does she look great, she brings a surprising wit, charm and willingness to do just about anything to her performances. Hell, if only Jess Franco could get a hold of her, I’d be happy to hand her the title that Lina Romay worked so hard for. But holy moley StanLeeDitko… Spider Babe is as unmemorable a "sex" romp as I’ve ever seen! Sure it takes Misty and puts her in a costume (the real reason I wanted to see this), but it’s the same old softcore groping with perhaps the least clever variations on the Spidey theme imaginable. Let’s run it down. Pretty Patricia Porker (Misty Mundae) has it tough. She diddles to the local hero boy (given the initials MJ), and dreams of kissing him. But when she is bitten by a radioactive spider (who gets splattered in a sort of funny sequence), well… she gets the powers of a spider. And…well, a tendency for lesbianism. And spider webs from the place that Kekko Kamen delivers her stunning blow from, if you know what I mean. Haha…laughing yet? Well, throw in a villainous Bee Woman (saves on special effects…just add a multicolored costume), a lesbian wrestling encounter, some "fighting", Misty looking cute and delivering her lines with far more aplomb than the material warrants and a lot of rubbing of breasts and you have a movie.
I will say that the sequence parodying the upside down kiss turned blowjob made me laugh out loud. Again, I credit that to Misty Mundae over the cleverness of the filmmakers. Now now…before you call me a grumpus and say that this isn’t made for me, let me cop to the fact that I love softcore flicks and superheroes. Why Roger Corman can make Black Scorpion episodes that are cable TV fare SO much more interesting than this is beyond me though. A nice opportunity with a fine cast of ladies gone to waste really. The always reliable (and shower masturbation specialist) Darian Caine and Julian Wells, when tagged up with Misty Mundae are usually a success, but not this time. Maybe it’s my comic book geek (who should have been whacking furiously at my genitals if they had done this right)… I wanted more, better and at the least clever material to get my superheroic stroke on with. Sniff.
So, the film is a bust, but if you HAVE to see it, EI has at the least afforded the Spider-fan with everything they could want and more. Personally I’d like to see them focus on the retro films, but hey, every movie has fans. You get a wide assortment of extras, including "naughty outtakes" which contain MORE softcore rubbing down, and Misty’s fans will be nonplussed on this one. Behind the Scenes, an FX segment, "Making the Costume" and a lot more are there for your pleasure. The quality is tops in the audio/ visual department as well with crystal clean picture to admire every inch of the ladies. So, that is an upside amidst the downside of the final film.
Go watch some cosplay instead. Seriously.
So we begin and end in the same place. Misty Mundae… the sexiest actress in le cine du breast today. Yes, you gotta love her, but this is a miss if ever there was one.
FILM 1 Webbed Breast PICTURE: 4 Webbed Breasts SOUND: 3 Webbed Breasts EXTRAS: 4 Webbed Breasts
OVERALL: 2 Webbed Breasts with a Penalty of 1 Breast for Low Whack Attack FactorFor more info on this DVD or other EI Cinema Films.
