Reviewed BY-Sean Patrick Dolan
You may know the director of this euro-porn double feature, Frederic Lansac, by another name- Claude Mulot. In 1969 he made a version of Georges Franju's classic film LES YEUX SANS VISAGE (EYES WITHOUT A FACE) entitled LA ROSE ECORCHEE (THE BLOOD ROSE). In his Mulot's version, the mad scientist was named Frederic Lansac, and he aptly chose it for his pseudonym when he made the move to hardcore films.
Lansac's porno entries on this disc are eccentric, to say the least. Both feature elements of science fiction or the impossible, the "fantastique". They are as loaded with humor (intentional, unlike so many skin flicks with their laughable dialogue and scenarios) as they are with hardcore sex of every variety- straight, lesbian, group, etc. The films are surprisingly engaging with actual plots, beautiful actresses, tasteful set pieces, and competent if not truly artistic camera work- at no point in either film are you forced to endure prolonged shots of a man's naked ass bobbing up and down on the screen. This is high class porn, sophisticated porn for the connoisseur- and yes Virginia, such a thing actually exists.
LE SEX QUI PARLE is the tale of Joelle (Penelope Lamour,) a woman with an inconsiderate lover- her husband Eric (Jean Louis Phillippe)- who has not left her sexually satisfied in years. Fed up with this situation, her body takes matters into its own hands. As the title suggests, her vagina begins to speak out loud for the whole world to hear. More than that, it begins to take control of Joelle and her sex life, forcing her into group sex in the toilet at a porno theater and into exposing herself and masturbating publicly at a friends' dinner party. Eric is shocked at this, but is completely floored when arrives home and begins hearing the vagina speak. Concerned for his wife, he calls a female psychologist (Ellen Earl) to come see her. But "the sex that talks" has its way again, and the couple end up in a heated menage a trois. The next day, the psychologist betrays the cover by announcing the shocking story of "the talking box" to the world. This forces the couple to go on the run, as every journalist in the world, tabloid or otherwise, wants an interview and a photo shoot.
While on the run, the couple try to analyze the situation and figure out just how something so bizarre could happen. Joelle thinks it may have had something to do with her disturbing childhood- when she was a young girl, her stepfather molested her and, in a rage, her mother shot him. But it is only after she is asleep that her vagina tells him other stories that Joelle has forgotten, stories that reveal a different truth. This leads to numerous flashback scenes, in which we see an adolescent Joelle (Beatrice Harnois) engaging in her first act of fellatio, pleasuring herself with a Pinocchio puppet, and seducing a teacher and a later a priest in the confessional. It turns out that the vagina was merely asserting itself to make up for years of neglect, and blamed Eric for turning the once sexually wild Joelle into a boring housewife. Realizing they cannot run forever, Eric engages in one last battle with Joelle's sex, attempting to conquer and silence it by finally satisfying her in bed. The result is a surprising twist ending . . . . And if that plot didn't sound amusing enough already, let me add another detail- the actress' vaginal lips actually move as her anatomy speaks, and the vagina itself has a voice like an elderly, chain-smoking hooker.
La Femme Objet is the story of a science fiction writer who is completely addicted to sex. He needs it from morning to night and cannot be in the presence of a woman without making love to her, whether she is asleep, in the process of washing the dishes, or anything else. The story begins with his girlfriends Sabine (Helene Shirley) leaving him, telling him as she parts that she wants to live and his demands are literally killing her. The next girlfriends suffers the same fate, as does the secretary he hires and a woman who is designing sets for the movie adaptation of his latest book. Realizing that no living woman can satisfy him, he sets up a laboratory in the basement and builds a true to life, remote controlled robot woman- his "female object" (Marilyn Jess). At first life is good, as the stunning, busty blonde robot can not speak- and wouldn't complain if she could- and satisfies his every sexual whim. He ironically observes, "She is more feminine than any woman I have ever known".
However, as time goes on, something goes wrong with the experiment. The robot begins to develop a personality of its own, and refuses to obey his commands. Soon she is out of control, screwing the mailman, his ex Sabine, and anyone else who comes by the house. The writer does not have the heart to destroy her, but he decides to make another robot to replace her nonetheless- this time a gorgeous ebony creature. But, once again, our man has miscalculated. It is not long before his blonde robot has seduced his ebony creation, and soon neither is obeying his commands. In fact, he is now outnumbered in his own home, and as the film ends he finds that it is now he who is obeying their commands and satisfying their desires. He has became "le homme objet"- the male object.
I reviewed the Alpha France, all region PAL DVD release of this film, a double feature on one two-sided disk. Each film is in the original French, but you can choose a dubbed English audio track. Extras are at a minimum here- both films have complete chapter menus and trailers. LE SEX also has a deleted scene and LA FEMME has a brief piece on the process used to restore the film from its original print.
This DVD is available at
Story: Le Sex Qui Parle: 5.0 Bitch Slaps, La Femme Object: 4.0 Bitch Slaps
Extras: 2.5 Bitch Slaps
Picture/Audio: 4.0 Bitch Slaps
Overall DVD: 4.0 Bitch Slaps