(1985)

Reviewed By-Paul Cooke
Director : Emmett Alston
Scripted : Emmett Alston
Starring : Sho Kosugi, Brent Huff, Blackie Dammett, Bruce Fanger, Emilia Lesniak  Sonny Erang & Vijay Amritraj

Fans of hard Action Ninja movies read no further as the following may seriously affect your ability to reason with friends as to the viability of the ancient art form appearingon screen ever again , after experiencing the incredulous delight that is , ‘ Nine Deaths Of The Ninja ’. When a terrorist group takes hostage the occupants of a tour bus and holds them to ransom , for the release of an imprisoned psychotic known as Rahji , the governmental powers turn to a trio of military experts within their own fields to save the day. That threesome just happens to be the original man in black , Sho Kosugi as Spike Shinobi , who seems not only to have mastered the skill of the Ninja but also the walking technique of John Wayne. In keeping with the cowboy theme is the very attractiveEmilia Lesniak , a blonde haired femme fabulous beauty who knows how to handle explosives and looks dynamite in her white Stetson , who is sure to give many a red hotted male viewer thoughts of a Lone Ranger moment. Completing the elite combo isnone other than the smooth talking , self confident and very young looking Brent Huff pretty much playing himself , but with such a gung ho swagger you can’t help but have a smile upon your face with each scene he appears in. Together the three charge off into the Manila jungle to seek out the neo fascist terrorist leader , played by BlackieDammett who in real life is actually the father of Red Hot Chilli Pepper band member Anthony Kiedis who must have been proud of his fathers ‘Freaky Styley’ performance playing a wheelchair bound borderline gay dictator , with a Hitler complex and a fetish for ladies black gloves. Dammett’s crazed delivery of dialogue is hilarious as is his Seventies styled Flock Of Seagulls rock band hairstyle. That however is open to plausible debate as his female sidekick , who clearly grabbed the name jar last to pull out the delightfully sticky moniker Honey Hump , who’s own African American characterisation includes that of a major Afro. The likes of which must surely have been the wake up call for Lionel Ritchie to visit his barber immediately upon leaving The Commodores.

        

Wearing a set of earings that could easily pass as saucers for pint jugs , Honey Humpis a raucous interpretation of Tim Curry’s Frank ‘N’ Furter and easily qualifies her aElvira , Mistress Of The Day. Her Lesbian inclination is one of many sexually deviant players amongst this motley crew that is bizarre beyond beli5ef , and even includes the quintessential mash field medic in the guise of the wonderfully christened Bruce Fangeras Doctor Wolf , who cannot control his urges towards the female hostages regardless of the moon being full or not.

The plot to all this is really as basic as they come and really comes down to a seek out and rescue mission that you just know the likes of Kosugi and Huff are going pull off from the start , and an audience believing otherwise really was in the wrong auditorium when this was released. When Rahji is emancipated he and his vocabulary , that consists of 'ha , ha , ha' , is comically tracked back to the dim witted miscreant outfitwhere Kosugi and Huff kick some behind , whilst their lady compatriot gets to blow things up other than her chest. Sho Kosugi gets to introduce his own two boys into the proceedings as Kane and Shane Kosugi add mini me versions of Ninja dom that is almost as painful to watch as ex tennis pro Vijay Armritaj as he plays the role ofmission commander. Armritaj takes advantage of his family name in the Production department of the film and on the backof him having a minor role in the James Bond outing , ‘ Octopussy ’. He truly is awful but does serve up some amusing moments as others play off him with such visual tennis ball gags as , ‘ I see you’re still playing with your balls ’, and there is a very amusing double tennis ball prop that is his telephone , but clearly as far as acting goes he should definitely have settled out of court.

The overall production value of such a totally silly movie is surprisingly very good as right from the cheeky James Bond styled opening credits through to the full use of Panavision wide screen lense work , each frame is wonderfully used and the quality oftransfer availed to the Marketing-Film DVD is both pristine and amazing to view.The rib tickling showpiece fight highlight surely has to be when four midget Ninja wannabe’s take on Sho Kosugi in a hotel foyer , as Brent Huff just stands around laughing for what may have been for real as it is quite an unexpected little intermission.As with all the best ‘Bad’ movies and , ‘ Nine Deaths Of The Ninja ’, may actuallystand tall in its own unique school of ‘Bad’ . Be sure to stay around for the double ending as the tears of laughter will once again fall when Blackie Dammett becomes truly involved with a Polo match , ensuring a Pucker conclusion !.Make sure that you have enough crates of cold brews close at hand for everyone you share this with and by the finale they may just thank you for inviting them around , but come the next morning perhaps not recollecting whether it was because of the film orthe free flowing booze.

***************Bonus exclusive interview with 9 Death's star Black Dammett! Conducted By Fred Anderson. Click Here to read!