Lady Terminator (1988)

Reviewed By-Paul Cooke
Director : H. Tjut Djalil
Scripted : Karr Kruinowz
Starring : Barbara Anne Constable , Christopher J. Hart ,
Claudia A. Rademaker & Joseph P. McGlynn

Ever wonder what the Austrian elk Arnold Schwarzeneggar might look like decked out in a set of stilettoes and a north of the knees tight skirt totting an Uzi ? , then look no further than , ‘ Lady Terminator ’, leg wax not included. The movie starts like an old Roger Corman flick but with a smaller budget !. A sea mist enshrouded castle is the dwelling place for the legendary South Sea Queen , a demon in female form that feeds off male passion and rewards them with a nifty form of male member removal during the act. The ultimate coitus interruptus , as when she lays the blood sprays !. A brave potent male beds her and then tricks her into displaying the snake demon that possesses her , and in so doing manages to keep a hold of his very own trouser snake demon. Eviscerated from her mortal holding the South Sea Queen curses the mans future family lineage and swears to return to take revenge.

A gloriously wild opening that is hilariously engaged by out of synch footsteps which rattle through your head like a group of Dutch clog wearers , and bizarrely odd looking characters that appear as if they have stepped out of an old Bela Lugosi film.

Jump forward a couple of generations to modern times and an Asian woman anthropologist unwittingly releases the South Sea Queens spirit , possessing her in a surreal dreamlike sequence. Spread eagled across a bed with arms and legs apart re-enter the snake in a violation of censorship standards , turning our pretty lady into the titular terminator. Arriving on the local scene she emerges from the ocean naked and looking for neighbouring nookie to satisfy the pernicious lust within. Two humped , pumped and duly deadly dumped young males later and the vicious vixen has warmed her loins. Aptly attiring herself in leather gear for the task ahead to seek out the descendent of her past slayer , all in line with the poignantly humourous movie art banner statement , ‘ First she mates ... then she terminates ’.

Enter Erica , an attractive pop singer and the great grand daughter of the demon dispenser back in the day. Looking like a reject from the Laura Brannigan designer school of fashion the Lady Terminator is soon tracking her down. Let loose in a disco where Erica is performing , the Uzi wielding woman causes chaos with an onslaught of indiscriminate behaviour all the while shooting out at all around her. The carnage is fast and furious with many a nice head shot repelling innocent folk back with a jolt of blood splashing out toward camera. Just as Erica’s bright future in the repetitive world of disco diva Eighties music is cut short a cop named Max saves her from certain death , in more than a passing resemblance to Michael Biehn’s character Kyle Reese from the heavily plagiarised , ‘ The Terminator ’. Right down to a hotel bathroom scene in which the femme fatal pops out one of her eyes with a scalpel into a sink of water with bloody delight , ‘ The Terminator ’, visual references and set pieces are replayed in a fabulously entertaining ‘B’ movie fashion.

The movie speeds into chase mode as the relentless Lady Terminator hitches up her stockings and high heels it after them , leaving behind a wake of destruction for a pursuit of billowing bullets. The entertainment factor is high and the guns and explosions quota higher still as this seemingly unstoppable force pummels everything put in front of her. When one particular police offer stands in her way she doesn’t just shoot him dead she literally obliterates him , unloading her entire ballistic clip into his chest in a frenzy of blood smattering glee. The peculiar sexual fetish of this outlandish Elvira Massacre-es Of The Philippine’s even goes so far as to having her targeting the male groin area with each shot fired , now that is truly below the belt !. Cross your legs and hang on for the near napalm triggered finale that explodes across the screen with an expanse that will afford a late night ripple of applause from an appreciative audience. Big bangs , big fun and with a crazed Zombie robot now shooting a laser from its eye socket this is one hell of a rampaging robot Riot.