(USA/Spain/1979) 
Review By:Johan Melle
Cast: Joe Lewis, Christopher Lee, Barbara Bach, Donald Pleasence, Woody Strode, Anthony De Longis, John Huston, Capucine, Joseph Wiseman, Sally Faulkner, Gabriel Melgar, Luis Prendes. 
Directed by Ernest Pintoff. Written by Yabo Yablonsky. 
Source: Roadshow Entertainment DVD (Australia, PAL Region 4, 87 minutes) 

Featuring no less than three former James Bond villains as well as one Bond girl, lots of martial arts action and exotic locations, JAGUAR LIVES! sounds almost too good to be true. But as anyone with a bit of experience will tell you, things that sound too good to be true, frequently are… 

Heavyweight kickboxing champion Joe Lewis stars as Jonathan Cross, a James Bond-type secret agent who goes by the codename Jaguar. During a mission, Jaguar’s partner and close friend Bret (Anthony De Longis) is killed in an explosion, and a devastated Jaguar decides he wants nothing more to do with this type of mission. He withdraws to the country along with his sensei (Woody Strode); trying to find peace and harmony through training. It doesn’t take long, however, before his former superiors – led by the beautiful Anna Thompson (Barbara Bach) – arrive by helicopter. Anna tries to persuade Jaguar to accept a mission to track down a ruthless international drug dealer but Jaguar flat out refuses. That is until Anna suggests that this drug dealer may have had a hand in the death of Jaguar’s partner. Eager for justice, Jaguar accepts the mission, which sends him around the globe where he encounters a host of colorful villains. 

One look at the cast list should be enough to wet anyone’s appetite. First off, there are the former Bond villains: the always watchable Donald Pleasence, who played Blofeld in YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE (1967), plays a Spanish dictator here, Christopher Lee, who was the titular villain in THE MAN WITH THE GOLDEN GUN (1974), is an elegantly sophisticated villain, while Joseph Wiseman, the title character from DR. NO (1962), surprisingly takes on a sympathetic role as an Arab friend of Jaguar. Add to that Barbara Bach from THE SPY WHO LOVED ME (1977) as Jaguar’s superior, as well as other big names such as legendary actor/director John Huston playing a wheelchair-bound character; Woody Strode, still in excellent physical shape at age 65 and engaging in some decent fight scenes, as Jaguar’s sensei; and finally international diva Capucine – ageing but still elegant and attractive – as one of the many foes Jaguar encounters along the way. 

Unfortunately, not a single one of the actors mentioned above are put to any good use. Capucine, Pleasence, Huston and Wiseman all look like they filmed their scenes in one day, while Bach, Lee and Strode have only slightly bigger roles. What’s the point of securing such great actors if you’re not going to give them anything remotely interesting to do? At the very least Pleasence seems to be having a bit of fun with his typically exaggerated performance as the self-indulging dictator, and Huston too acquits himself nicely in his limited screen-time. The others, however, are put to complete waste. I cannot imagine that a single one of the big names appearing in this film saw any opportunity to excel here – they probably only accepted the parts in order to earn some very quick money. Indeed, this must have been some of the easiest money any of them ever earned: as so-called villains, Christopher Lee and Capucine get nothing to do except show up for some short dialogue exchanges with Jaguar and then quickly exiting. There is never any sort of confrontation between Jaguar and any of these bad guys as this is saved for the actual villain of the film – the much talked about drug dealer. He is, however, never seen until the end of the film – his identity being kept “hidden”. Of course, even the most daft, inexperienced filmgoer will be able to guess his identity within five minutes. 

Although not an overblown action epic, it’s obvious that director Ernest Pintoff (whose career consists mostly of directing episodes for various TV series) had a pretty decent budget to work with. No doubt a large part of the money was thoroughly wasted on paychecks for the name stars but the film also boasts several impressive, international locations and good-looking scenery, as well as a couple of well-staged stunt and action sequences. The camerawork is also professional and captures all of the action well. 

But unfortunately, it’s all for naught. The films simply jumps from one location to another for some brief encounter with one villain and then off to a new location again – with little rhyme or reason. The screenplay is a real mess and renders the narrative far more difficult and complicated than it really needs to be. 

Fair-haired, tall, muscular Joe Lewis is physically up for the role and is certainly quite good-looking too – looking quite a bit like Bo Hopkins actually. Unfortunately, though, Lewis has all the charisma of an oak. His deadpan, uninvolved line delivery fails to make the character interesting, and the flat screenplay certainly doesn’t help him out. He’s simply a wooden, one-dimensional fighting machine that we never really care for. Sadly, he’s the only character to really appear through the entire film – all the others just show up and disappear again fairly quickly before one is able to establish any sort of relationship with their characters. 

OK, so JAGUAR LIVES! isn’t a great action film. Big deal! There are plenty of mediocre action films out there that nevertheless remain enjoyable because they at least offer some goofball fun. I can be very lenient to many “bad” films as long as they offer up some decent fun – whether intentional or (as is often the case) unintentional. However, JAGUAR LIVES! is guilty of committing the one cinematic sin for which there is absolutely NO forgiveness: it’s flat out boring! 

As this was a Spanish co-production, fans of European cinema may take delight in some of the supporting players that show up in small roles, though. Good-looking British actress Sally Faulkner, best remembered from José Ramon Larraz’s VAMPYRES (1974) and Norman J. Warren’s PREY (1978), actually gets a fairly sizable role as one of Jaguar’s flings, and she gets to wear both sexy lingerie and a nun’s habit. There’s also Simon Andreu from all of Luciano Ercoli’s gialli and numerous Spanish horror films as one of Barbara Bach’s colleagues, and ubiquitous Spanish genre favorites Victor Israel and George Rigaud pop up briefly as party guests at an upper-class event. 

JAGUAR LIVES! isn’t a complete fiasco but it remains a huge disappointment. Considering all the talent involved here, the actors should have been put to much better use and the storyline should have felt more connected rather than just throwing in random episodes of (mostly boring) action from around the globe. Still, the presence of such great actors may be too much of a temptation for some viewers, so if one manages to approach it with very, very low expectations, JAGUAR LIVES! might at least serve as a forgettable timewaster. 

Australian company Roadshow Entertainment brings us JAGUAR LIVES! on DVD in very decent, good-looking shape. The image is presented fullscreen but since no picture information appears to be missing on the sides, this is most likely an un-matted presentation. The image itself is impressively sharp-looking and really does justice to the many exotic locations. The only audio option is a 5.1 Dolby Digital track, which sounds good and clear. This isn’t a spectacular disc but it looks and sounds good, and will probably please most fans of the film. Extras on the other hand are pretty much non-existent. We only get three trailers for other Roadshow Entertainment releases: THE WILD GEESE, ASHANTI and ZULU DAWN but unfortunately no trailer for JAGUAR LIVES! 

It’s amazing how this film isn’t able to make anything better out of a decent budget and several great actors. A terrific example of a missed opportunity, JAGUAR LIVES! is a thoroughly disappointing martial arts adventure that nevertheless gets a decent release from Roadshow Entertainment. Fans of the film should check it out – others should approach with great caution. 

 

STORY/FILM- 1.5/5 BITCH SLAPS
PICTURE- 3.5/5 BITCH SLAPS
AUDIO- 3/5 BITCH SLAPS
EXTRAS- 0/5 BITCH SLAPS
OVERALL DVD- 2.5/5 BITCH SLAPS 

2008 @ Cinema Nocturna