( 2005 / UK )
( 2005 / UK )
Review By-Paul Cooke Director: Jake West Starring: Christopher Adamson , Emily Booth & Sam Butler Source : 21st Century Pictures / Wide Screen Ratio 2:35:1 / Anamorphic / Dolby Digital 5.1 Sound / English Language / Upcoming Release Trailers / Region 4 Australian DVD
‘‘What say we go harvest some Aliens !?’’
Far from being yet another special edition of James Cameron’s classic ‘Alien’ , this is a bloody parody of all those nasty creatures from space movies aimed at the video market from the Eighties. A shaven scrotum of a flick that displays its balls proudly. Lampooning the classic franchises of such outlandish cult video rentals as ‘Xtro’ and brazenly blitzing the cast and décor with an abundance of blood and entrails in the early style of Peter Jackson’s ‘Bad Taste’ and ‘Dead Alive’. Never mind a rabid rat monkey this carnivorous critter has a league of ‘Predator’ outcasts with a preamble for dismemberment. Cow carving in the Welsh valleys is a close encounter of the absurd kind , and only a news crew aided by a local U.F.O fanatic has a cows chance in hell of putting these Evil Aliens out to graze !.
A cable networked news crew jump at the chance to investigate an apparent tale of alien abduction and intergalactic impregnation , of the non safe alien sex kind , looking to boost their viewing figures. Led by the feisty Michelle Fox ( Emily Booth ) , a babe who leads from the front and uses her assets to wrap the E.T geek specialist around her manipulative finger. The crew don’t care if there is any shred of truth to the alien visitation , as they arrive in the small Welsh valley with actors to create their own tale of extraterrestrial terror. Never mind the facts they just want the viewing figures. What they end up with is ‘Night Of The Living Dead’ crossed with ‘Deliverance’ , and these alien piggy’s squeal till the cow’s don’t come home !.
These Evil Aliens are using the power of Earth’s ancient stone structures to harness power to traverse the universe. A galactic garage where the fuel isn’t owned by Iraq but the token of tyranny is still all too apparent. The visitation also calls for procreation via impregnation of human women. A sequence involving metallic instruments , and nasal implantations , is as eek inducing as one of those nightmarish dreams of bug eyed creatures tearing at your body whilst you are powerless to do anything but endure. The sight of a naked local Welsh male trussed up on an alien surgical table having an anal probe , of the overly enthusiastic kind , is butt clenchingly explosive !. Never mind the butter scene in ‘Last Tango In Paris’ this is quite an Eiffel !.
This is definitely one of those outlandishly silly horror fun flicks that does not take itself seriously for one moment , but because of this its also a movie that will be either loved or hated !. The protect our youth culture will scream for ‘Evil Aliens’ to be eviscerated from existence , whilst the let’s party on down to the midnight multiplex show gang with lap it up like a cat purring with pleasure at this cinematic cream. Definitely a crowd pleaser , but not one for showing at the pastors tea and scone Sunday fund raiser.
Gore hounds will revel in delight at the volume of bloody parts flying around the screen and even forgive the often computer aided gruel as it splats at the camera. Everything is done tongue in cheek and Director Jake West notches up perhaps his finest moment of over the top gory schlock yet. This is the horror equivalent of a sexual high , a gore-gasm if you will !.
The ‘Predator’ like Evil Aliens are a resplendent throwback to those heady days of low budget sci fi delights from the Eighties. Kitted up with a bulbous head gear , with vacuum cleaner like pipes on either side as breathing apparatus , it’s a gruesomely groovy look. Wielding mighty blades that cut a swathe through whatever stands before them they are human like in form but otherwise motherless monsters of mutilation. The night scenes of them slicing and dicing the cow population in the Welsh pastures is ominous of their carnivorous intent , and when the Welsh farmers square up to them it sure don’t get any prettier.
Some suitably model like spacecraft , driven by a big brain that needs fondling for propulsion , adds to the welcome chintzy silliness. It’s the sheer unrelenting chunk blowing that earns the cheers though , and nothing can really prepare for what might be the very first anal crucifixion put to film , holy mother of gore that surely will bring a tear to the eye !. Without question though the bring the house down highlight moment is when one of the would be saviours of planet Earth fires up a combine harvester and takes to the field of battle. The startled aliens quick about face turn and run as fast as their E.T sprinting limbs can carry them. The eagerly anticipated outcome does not disappoint as the carnage is delirious. A trump card on Peter Jackson’s lawn mower slaughter scene from ‘Dead Alive’ , which Director Jake West wryly pays a pass up homage to in an earlier close nit alien encounter.
Sure to be a big success on DVD , and garner a re-watch cult following from the late night horror fans , ‘Evil Aliens’ is an out of this world gory grin fest. Welsh wranglers Vs alien predators , to the winner the cow pats !.
Film : 3.5/5 Cow Splats Picture : 4/5 Cow Splats Sound : 3.5/5 Cow Splats Overall : 3.5/5 Cow Splats
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