Director: Dennis Donnelly
Year: 1978
Cast: Cameron Mitchell, Pamelyn Ferdin, Wesley Eure, Nicolas Beauvy,
Marianne Walter
Reviewed By-Sean Patrick Dolan
This movie starts with a bang before slowing to crawl and ultimately dying with
a pitiful whimper. The opening credits role as we watch a car drive slowly
through the city streets at night. The driver is listening to an AM gospel
station, and the preacher, as they are wont to do, is getting worked up royally
as he delivers hellfire and brimstone. All the while a funereal,
dirge-like theme song can be heard in the background. The car slows as the
man driving has a flashback- an attractive young girl being wheeled into an
ambulance, DOA after a car accident. Aha!- the trauma that will fuel the
killer's deception. The man exits the car and we see that he is dressed in
black from the soles of his boots to his gloved hands and masked face- and oh
yeah, he is carrying a toolbox. He enters an apartment building and proceeds to
carve up four women in rapid procession- using a power drill, a claw hammer, a
nail gun, and a plain old screwdriver. All of this is filmed in the crude
but comfortable style of the slasher/exploitation film. We see things from
the killer's point of view as he stalks the dark hallways and the blood
splatters off of his still running power drill as he closes in for the
deathblow. The victims are all playing the radio when the killer attacks,
and in each case it emits country ballads whose lyrics are, for once,
self-consciously ironic. The last victim, a beautiful redhead, was attacked as
she masturbated in the bathtub- but is only killed after being chased fully nude
all over the apartment. Sadly, after this very auspicious beginning comes
the inevitable fall. All of this action occurs in the first fifteen
minutes; after that, this film is almost pure tedium.
After this wanton spree of bloody mayhem, we see the killer kidnap fifteen year
old Laurie Ballard (Pamelyn Ferdin)- why she is not murdered like the rest of
the women is not immediately apparent, but just wait about ten minutes and it
will be. From here on out the story focuses on her older brother Joey
(Nicolas Beauvy) and his attempt to find and rescue his sister. As usual,
the police are no help whatsoever. They are of the opinion that Laurie
probably was not kidnapped, but merely ran off with a boyfriend. While
questioning Joey, one young detective makes the insulting allegation that he
might be a suspect himself. And finally, the same detective visits Mrs. Ballard,
a middle-aged barmaid, at her work and seems to be hitting on her.
Needless to say, Joey must solve this case on his own.
This movie is about as subtle as a brick to head and has about as much suspense
as a WWE wrestling match, but here is your obligatory WARNING SPOILERS AHEAD!!!
Joey goes to the apartment where the first murder occurs to search for clues and
there he finds his classmate, Kent Kingsley (Wesley Eure). He is the
nephew of Ben Kingsley (Cameron Mitchell), the owner of the apartment complex
and has been hired to clean up and repaint the place. Kent mentions that
he is not bothered by the work, although his Uncle Ben would be. He asks a
lot of questions about Laurie's kidnapping and then reminisces about the
untimely death of his cousin Kathy in a car accident. Any of you gumshoes
solve the case yet?
In the very next scene we see that Uncle Ben has Laurie, who bears a fair
resemblance to the deceased Kathy, tied to a bed in a girl's bedroom. In plain
narrative exposition he explains his religious views and his philosophy on life-
God took Kathy when she was young and innocent, before she could be corrupted by
our evil, immoral modern world. He killed the women in his building
because they were evil, guilty of "unnatural acts", such as
drunkenness, lesbianism, and masturbation. He was acting on God's behalf-
"If any member of your body offends you, cut it off". He is
keeping Laurie, who in his confused mental state he believes to be his daughter
Kathy, prisoner in the bedroom to keep her as his little girl forever while
safeguarding her form the outside world.
The clues that the killer left (the fact that he did not need to break into the
women's homes, his knowledge of their activities, etc.) are so obvious that even
less than bright young men like Joey and Kent soon figure out that Uncle Ben is
the killer. Joey confirms this by sneaking into Ben's garage and opening
his toolbox which contains the murder weapons still coated in blood. Kent
arrives and decides to protect the family's honor by murdering Joey. He
then walks in on Uncle Ben and Laurie/Kathy having another heart to heart.
He reveals to his uncle that he did love his cousin Kathy, but not the way Ben
thought. The two were in love and took every opportunity to sneak out
together and have sex in his car. He was driving the night the accident
killed her. Enraged, Uncle Ben attacks him. The two fight and the
younger man gets the better of him, stabbing him to death with a kitchen knife.
He is then free to return to Laurie in the bedroom. At first it seems he
will let her go, but then he too notices her resemblance to the late Kathy.
He rapes her and then lies in bed next to her, talking about their future
together, He made one mistake- he left a pair of scissors on the night
stand after using them to cut Laurie's wrists free. When he begins to doze
off she snatches them up, kills Kent, and makes her escape.
As I mentioned above, this film has zero elements of suspense. The
killer's motive- the young woman's tragic death by car accident is revealed in
the opening scene. It is further reinforced by the killer's flashbacks to
it during the opening series of murders, and then harped on again by Kent when
Joey finds him in the murdered woman's apartment. The cast of characters
is very small, and thus so is the possible number of suspects and the relatives
of Kathy, Uncle Ben and Kent , are the obvious suspects. To add further
insult to the viewer, the killer wears a ski mask that barely obscures his face.
If you pause the film (or even if you are just paying close attention) during
the second murder, you can plainly identify the killer as Cameron Mitchell's
Uncle Ben. I was not expecting a giallo here, but really, this is
inexcusable.
The acting is horrendous- Cameron Mitchell (How to Marry a Millionaire, Blood
and Black Lace, Hombre to name just a few) had certainly fallen from grace by
this point to star in a film of such low caliber. To call his portrayal of
Uncle Ben "over-the-top" would be much too generous- it was hamfisted
and embarrassing. His monologues with Laurie are downright painful to
watch. Granted, he did not have much to work with, the dialogue did indeed
suck- believe it or not, this film was not dubbed. This is actual dialogue
between Uncle Ben and Kent in the "climactic" scene- "I am
going to kill you." "No, I am going to kill you."
"You filthy fornicator! Heretic! Infidel!"
None of the other actors even deserve mention- like director Dennis Donnelly,
they were from network TV and returned to it after this ill-fated venture.
Perhaps most disturbing to me is the fact that this shoddy piece of
schlock actually seems to try to imitate much better contemporary films, such as
Wes Craven's Last House on the Left and Tobe Hooper's Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
For example, the last scene contains the message that this film was a
dramatization based on actual events. But if you watch until the end of
the credits, the usual "all resemblance to any persons living or dead is
purely coincidental" disclaimer is displayed. Even worse is the
aforementioned Mitchell monologues where he prattles on and on about the sorry
state of the world and how it is just too mixed up and immoral to raise children
in. His doctrine is completely uninspired and could have come from any era
in history- there is always a reactionary segment of the population who are
certain that the world is going to hell in a hand basket (whatever that is) and
that the current generation is to blame. His constant quoting of the Bible
and of his AM radio preacher further detract from any argument of this being a
well thought out social commentary. He is merely another religious fanatic
in a line stretching back thousands of years, and even by 1977 the theme of
religious fanaticism and sexual repression as a cause of psychotic behavior was
well known and played out. It is blasphemy (I use that term ironically) to
compare this film to either Last House on the Left or the Texas Chainsaw
Massacre. Those films made their point, their political and social
commentary, by the actions they portrayed on the screen without resorting to
dumb-downed monologues and stereotypes like Uncle Ben's wacko fundamentalist.
There are only a handful of things to recommend this film- its strong opening,
George Deacon's great soundtrack, and Marianne Walter's nude death scene (this
scene is nearly worth the price of admission alone and if the girl looks
familiar, she is- 80's porn star Kelly Nichols). These three elements
alone account for the Story Bitch Slap Rating of 2.0, which I feel is more than
generous. If you have any illusions that Mitchell's role or the
exceptionally poor dialogue that I described might provide moments of
unintentional humor or that this film is "bad enough to be good",
trust me- it is not. Had this film stuck to its humble role as a slasher flick,
which was working quite well for it for the first fifteen minutes or so, this
could have been an entertaining piece of exploitation along the lines of Pieces.
In trying to do more, this film revealed countless deficiencies in its writers,
director, and actors and fell flat on its face.
I reviewed the 2002 Blue Underground DVD release. They gave it the royal
treatment even though the film hardly merits it. Along with great cover
art and a complete Chapter Index, it also features Full Audio Commentary with
Tony DiDio (Producer), Gary Graver (Director of Photography), and Pamelyn Ferdin
(Star) as well as an excellent Interview with Marianne Walter- I Got Nailed in
the Toolbox Murders. Other features are the Theatrical Trailer, TV Spots,
a Poster/Stills Gallery and a Cameron Mitchell Bio.
Story: 2.0 Bitch Slaps
Extras: 4.0 Bitch Slaps
Picture/Audio: 4.0 Bitch Slaps
Overall DVD: 3.5 Bitch Slaps