( 2002 / France )
( 2002 / France )
Reviewed by: Paul Cooke Director: Julien Magnat Starring: Olivia Bonamy , Adria Collado , Jeffrey Ribier , Laurent Spielvogel , Thylda Bares , Valentina Vargas , Thierry Perkins-Lyautey & Julien Boisselier Source : Cannibal King Productions / Original French Dialogue / English Language Subtitles / Trailers / Behind The Scenes
‘‘You should’ve eaten at the cemetery !’’
If toothsome terrors are taking you in ‘vein’ and ghastly ghouls vying for your very soul , then it’s likely time to call up the Anti Paranormal Commando Unit !. Put down your crucifix and bypass the Vatican , what’s called for here is France’s answer to ‘Buffy The Vampire Slayer’. Evil has a new enemy and her name is Mallory.
The very sexy Olivia Bonamy is the addictive heroine , blessed with a body fit enough to kick all Hell out of Evil and Heavenly enough to raise the spirit of any fan boy lovin’ male. It’s Buffy meets Barbarella in a babe bath down that guarantees a post pubescent fan base shower of male viewers , all wanting to be dominated by this deliciously fantastical French maid. She dishes out death to demons with a vengeance , having been deceived by her own husband at her wedding ceremony , and dropped like a leaden garter by her Hellish love rat. She becomes a reluctant heroine with an axe to grind … in her husbands back !. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned and this bodacious feline smacks a kerosene kiss upon the fiery pits , making it her destiny to purge society from these monstrous misfits forever !.
Wherever Vampire valets try and park their teeth Mallory appears on the scene to clamp their style. Taking a big bite out of the afterlife profits by ensuring the good souls keep their feet on Earth where they belong !. Who wouldn’t mind a Succubus from this Vampire impaler !?.
Mallory is the leader of the Anti Paranormal Commando Unit , made up of Vena Cava , a transexual explosives expert who wears platform shoes that sport guns. Talking Tina , a mute telepath , pig tailed blue haired young girl who carries around a monster manual that hides a portable computer pad that locates all Evil.
A new order of Evil has evolved , The Ghouls. These Ghouls can only reproduce their number by procreating with virgins. When the mother superior and her flock of nuns are captured by the Ghouls the A.P.C.U commando delegate , Inspector Durand , calls upon Mallory and her menagerie to literally kick the creatures in the ghoulies !. Showdown Bloody Mallory style rumbles down in Church and the Ghouls don’t have a prayer !. The witty dialogue flies with the fists and hits hard like the impaling stakes , right to the heart and straight on down to the gut for belly laughs aplenty. One line quips such as ‘‘Only Nuns are naïve enough to be trapped by ghouls’’ let rip from all quarters with welcome regularity. Jaw agape moments such as a belly bursting baby ghoul are so politically incorrect you cannot fail but to not take it seriously as is clearly intended by the film makers with gleeful delight. It’s a smorgasbord of comic book silliness that’s equal amounts entertainment , with each turn of the movie page bringing forth deliriously tongue in cheek blasphemy.
Mallory is in tune with the Hellish uprising thanks to her marital bond beyond the grave in the form of her informant husband , ably assisted by the calling card of the unholy scriptures brought forth from the book of the dead The Necronomicon , now how’s that for a marriage made in Hell !?. The Dark Arts are gathering to bring darkness across the world but with a nod and a wink from her lesser half enables Mallory to be one step ahead. News is passed on that The Pope has been abducted by The Ghouls !.All aboard the Vamp Mobile as Mallory and pals roar along the highway to Hell in their Pink Corpse Cadillac , a Re-Vamped funeral car hearse with bodywork to die for , under order of The Vatican to rescue the Papal Prince.
The Ghouls has successfully called up The Avenging Angel who in turn is destined to rise up and free all of the fallen angels in an army to destroy all of creation !. It’s up to Mallory and her team to raise the stakes and strike at the heart of Evil as they become enveloped in an ethereal land where the un-dead are soon all about them.
The colourful caper amps up the Action in an all out array of slam bang whammy Fun. The fiendish foes come thick and fast as Mallory turns in a performance that can only be rated at Buffy for the big boys. Time to let loose the Beserker , a freaky cavern creature that has more teeth than a Bee Gees reunion concert. The collective of garish Vamps and body part exploding creatures is viewing candy to the eyes and mind tripping entertainment ecstasy to the cerebral cortex. Flip your eyelids to the back of your skull and don’t blink for a second or Mallory’s Bloody babe bastion may just storm right on by you.
Jump right on board , turn up the great theme music sound track in the pink caddy and enjoy the ride. This full bloodied , vibrant outing screams out Sequel , and the ravenous Miss. Bonamy is a friend for life in the fantastical titular role.
Footnote: Bloody Mallory is Officially due to hit Region 1 DVD from Lions Gate on 13th September 2005
